As someone who has been in the lifestyle for 4 years now, I find 50 Shades of Grey to be a slap in the face to what a true Master/slave relationship is like. It gives three horrible misconceptions about what it is like to be in this kind of relationship.
Those things are.
- 1) M/s relationships are mostly about hot, kinky sex. This is not the case at all. M/s relationships are based on trust and for a man and woman to be in their natural state of dominance and submission. It’s about her trusting in him so much that she can give herself over fully and find comfort in pleasing him. Not just sexually, but emotionally and articulately .
- 2) It’s okay to be in an abusive relationship if he shows you that he cares/loves you. Christian Grey is an abusive, manipulative asshole who prayed on a naive girl who didn’t know what she was getting herself into. Yes- everything might have been “consensual” but he fed off the fact that she was new to everything and was easily manipulated. Speaking from someone who has experience with a false-dom who did the exact same thing to me when I was new to it all, it’s a dangerous thing. It’s men like this, when it comes to the lifestyle that we are told by people who have more experience to avoid.
- 3) Dominance, and wanting to live your life where you have order and control - especially in a M/s type relationship is caused by a dark past that a man has not gotten the proper help with, therefore with the right girl, he could “over come” those issues and find a way to be “normal.” Basically, a good-girl-can-change-a-bad-boy sort of thing, which is NOT the case. Natural dominance is not a mental issue or something that someone should have to fix. It’s primal.
Those are my issues with this series. It drags my way of life through the mud and makes it out to be something that it it not. M/s relationships, when done correctly, are beautiful. It creates an amazingly strong bond between two people that is both rewarding and intimidating.
This post. This is the post I wanted to see. I don’t agree with every point—especially when the post talks about the “natural” gendered norms of men and women, but it does touch upon the fact that this movie is doing a dangerous disservice to those who partake in alternative sexual practices. We need to remember that any relationship with abuse, no matter how hot and sexy the sex may get, is still abuse. Furthermore, while there are moral and ethical people who partake in BDSM, there is also rampant verbal and physical abuse in “the scene” that goes unnoticed or unreported. 50 Shades highlights the wrong parts of people who partake in alt-sexual practices and stereotypes your kink. Remember that, boys and girls, and go read Story of O.
My reference to the “natural” aspect meaning that when done properly, a slave girl who is with a proper dominant man feels a natural pull towards him. That its not something that is having to be forced, it’s just something that happens because it feels right. The feelings that come with it are a natural occurrence. Some women are naturally dominant, and some men are naturally submissive etc etc. It’s getting two people, at least in the lifestyle - who are both submissive and dominant to balance it out.